Dealing with Grief During the Holiday Season

By Terri Averi, MSN

Dealing with grief is never easy. Whether you are dealing with a recent loss or one from a time ago, your feelings are valid. Although grief is universal, we all process it differently. The holidays can be a challenging time.

During the holidays, remember the 3 C’s of coping. They are Choose, Connect, and Communicate. You can choose what is right for you. You get to choose what you will attend, where you will go and how you will do it. So often with loss, we feel no control. Choice is our means of control. 

Connecting is important. You may want to isolate and shut down to avoid difficult conversations. You do not have to interact with everyone however often they are sharing in your grief/loss. 

Communication is the last “C.” tell people what you need. There is often support from others, but they wait for you to give them a signal. 

The holidays can be stressful enough without grief. We are constantly bombarded with pictures of a beautiful Christmas. It includes the perfect setting where family is laughing and swirling about. In reality, many people struggle with just the normal day to day living. Feelings of grief may add to that burden. You may feel more fatigued, sad, isolative, and unable to participate. Those are common symptoms of grief and loss. You will grieve at your own pace and in your own time. Grief is a normal process. We cannot avoid it, but we can take steps to move through it. 

The following items are suggestions to help navigate the holiday season. First, acknowledge that this holiday will be different. Second, decide what traditions you want to keep, remove, or begin. Think of your loved one to help you make this decision. Third, be open with others. Let them know what you need or do not need. Fourth, keep physically active. Exercise produces natural endorphins that ease our mood. Fifth, avoid alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, and it can make your sadness more intense. Sixth, do something positive that makes you feel good. You are allowed to feel good. Finally, realize that all or some of these may or may not work. You will get through this.

Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a new landscape.” – C. S. Lewis, ‘A Grief Observed.’

Terri Averi is Supportive Care Manager at Community LIFE.